


i've become what i can't be

by stroganoff



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Parents, Angst, Fluff, M/M, parents!daisuga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 16:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7368727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stroganoff/pseuds/stroganoff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation of "I Would Rather Lose a War Than Lose You" by karasunotsubasa</p><p>This is really happening. Oh, god, they're getting married. This is it. Shouyou thinks he's going to vomit or hurl, or run away... yeah, cold feet is a thing. </p><p>A warm hand gives his shoulder a squeeze. "You're gonna do good, kid," Keishin mutters. </p><p>-</p><p>an accident that is bigger than what it may seem stopped the wedding. Kageyama grows wary of his fiance, Shouyou's parents are confused, and Shouyou just wants to go away.</p><p>-hiatus-</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've become what i can't be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karasunotsubasa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasunotsubasa/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I would rather lose a war than lose you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3350168) by [karasunotsubasa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasunotsubasa/pseuds/karasunotsubasa). 



> Continuation of "I Would Rather Lose a War Than Lose You" by karasunotsubasa
> 
> it picks up exactly after where karasunotsubasa ends so go!!! read!!! her!!!! work!!!! first!!!!!!
> 
> cause this fic is basically part 2
> 
> ok now enjoy

 

“Ah, big brother, it’s always so odd to see you step up to your age.”

 

Shouyou scowls, but holds every muscle still; too scared to shift even an inch to show his brother back to his rightful place. “Shut up, Kei. Go find Tadashi and piss off.”

 

Somewhere behind the forest of furry robes and satin capes, Koushi makes a disapproving tut at his sons. “Boys,” he warns, “behave.”

 

The tailor’s forehead barely contained his eyebrows as they shot up high at the young gods’ actions upon hearing their father. Shouyou, the god of pleasure, sucked on his bottom lip and kept his marigold brows furrowed (a habit taken after his fiancé, it seems.) The taller brother, the god of lies, rolls his eyes and leans against the wall of the parlour, exhaling a huff of submission.

 

Shouyou maintained eye contact with the flower vase on the cashier, feeling the humidity of the room more than ever as the tailor stacked cloth after cloth against his shoulder to find the ‘perfect’ match for his ‘blood-orange’ hair. It was disheartening to see his dad joyously bounce around the parlour; more excited about the wedding then the actual to-be-wed himself.

 

He didn’t even know why Kei was invited; his brother served no purpose in this wedding hunt and must have had much more duties back at his castle with the new engagement rumours flying about. Speaking of…

 

“Are you really engaged with Tadashi-kun?” Shouyou finds himself blurting out, renewing eye contact with his brother.

 

It was rare, but Shouyou knows that Kei was capable of emotions. This was one of those moments where his lying powers became useless against anyone; the moment where mundane feelings cascade down from his usually smug hazel orbs in an overwhelmingly uncontrollable pace. Kei sputtered, and before he was able to come up with a retort, their dad arose from the mountain of cloth.

 

“My Kei-chan is engaged?” came the shriek before Kei was engulfed in a big hug.

 

“Uh…”

  
Tadashi and Kei had been prancing around each other for god knows how long, it was tiring to watch them, and Shouyou remembers this. The night their father invited all the gods of all lands to come and be his consort, Kei had shown up with Tadashi on his tail. Many of Kei’s arrival to holiday brunches were accompanied by Tadashi, and as soon as the meal was over, the two would sneak off to god knows where to do god knows what.

 

But Shouyou knows Tadashi would never let a hand come close enough to snatch his virtue before marriage; he wouldn’t be the God of Virtue if he did.

 

The blond was nearly suffocating under the immense pressure of his dad’s grip when Shouyou decided that he was, after all, a Good Samaritan, good enough to help Kei out.

 

“Relax, dad,” he says, “it was just a rumour I heard from his castle when we picked him up.”

 

His dad’s shoulder deflates before Kei was released, but Koushi managed to stiffen himself back up into a faux happiness. “And are the rumours true?”

 

To be completely honest, Shouyou doesn’t know if his little brother had it in him to go and actually ask the God of Virtue his hand in marriage when he himself is the God of Lies. What a tragedy to have been born to such a dishonourable title.

 

Growing up, Kei hadn’t been the star of the family despite his late arrival. Their father, the God of Justice, doted on Shouyou needlessly since a young age. When his dad gave birth to Kei, the entire castle was brought to their knees by the arrival of such a fine babe. Back then, none were aware of the title that would later be given to the child, and so they loved him with no hesitance, until the Appellation Ceremony.

 

Shouyou still remembers _his_ Appellation Ceremony. The thick crowd of eminent Gods and Goddesses, the feast that came after, the God that had the premonition of his title, and the glassy looks of both of his parents. He remembers the multiple slaps on his back in congratulations and the joke the deities invented of how his title was the God of Pleasure due to his parents’ sickening shower of affection and the life he was born into. He also remembers how the entire ball was silent at his brother’s Appellation Ceremony and the haunting gasp of disbelief that came from their father.

 

The Appellation Ceremony was held to honour a God or Goddesses’ presentation of power. At the tender age of six, children of deities are thrown a ball or feast as an officiate (usually the neighbouring God of Prowess) performs an ancient tradition to foresee the child’s power. It was a festive celebration; even those lesser-known Gods had their own balls for their children, a party of cheers.

 

There were, however, instances where the parties turned sour and guests left in hasty scatter. The Appellation Ceremony held for Bokuto Koutarou, for example, had been one that went down in the history of disasters. Koutarou was a friendly child, he had known no evil, seen no evil, and had heard no evil, yet after the guests scurried out of the foyer of his childhood home with their tails between their legs, Koutarou became a force to be reckoned with. He took his title as the God of Chaos with stride, much to his parents’ dismay, as he rained hell and fury over those who whined for it.

 

Kei’s Appellation Ceremony was nothing of the sort, but it carried the same acidic taste as previous Gods of Negative Power. It was a bright day, the sky was blue and the birds were chirping on the windowsill of the castle as Kei troubled his bottom lip watching the officiate stick his hand into the blessed water to see his power. It was a cursed pregnant silence that followed the sudden retreat of the hand from the basin. Shouyou remembers the way the officiate had looked at Kei as if he had done something to offend him, which, to be frank, he had not. Shouyou knows his little brother more than anyone, more than anything.

 

Whispers flew around the room like hornets ready for their next kill, and Shouyou felt the immense pressure of just standing next to Kei on the podium beside their fathers. The officiates fingers trembled in the heavy air.

 

_“May I speak to you, Sawamura-sama?”_

 

Since birth, Kei had always been paler than him, but as Shouyou stayed by his younger brother, he knew this was different.

 

Meekly, the officiate returned with their parents. His dad wore a polite smile, but Shouyou knows it’s never going to be the same as his genuine one, while his father, the mighty God of Justice, refused to meet anyone’s eyes.

 

“Sawamura Kei, son of Sawamura Daichi and Koushi, Gods of Justice and Wisdom, I present you as the God of Lies.”

 

Perhaps if Shouyou had seen the entire ordeal behind his brother’s glasses, then he might just have remembered more of the event than what he has now. Fragments and flashes of the ball, outraged, and the many accusations that were thrown at his parents of how they managed to have a child so…

 

Impure.

 

That night, before he blew out his candle, Shouyou’s ears picked up the sound of his dad’s soothing voice.

 

_“Are you alright, baby boy?”_

 

Shouyou held his breath. He hoped, god he hoped, that is brother would be fine.

_“I’m…”_

 

The soft muttering of the maids as they got ready to bed, the shuffling of his father’s shoes from the floor above, and the shrilling silence from his brother’s chamber down the hall.

 

_“I’m okay.”_

 

Shouyou didn’t need to see his brother to know it’s true. That night Kei used his powers for the first time, and, frighteningly, Shouyou watched as his dad hummed peacefully without a care in the world or any memory of the previous conversation when his dad tucked him to bed.

 

 

 

“Are they, baby boy?”

 

The God of Pleasure was ripped from his dazed state back to reality where his dad was standing pensively in front of his very uncomfortable brother.

 

Kei runs a hand through his blond locks and casts his eyes away. “It’s not true…”

 

After a moment he adds, “Yet.”

 

God, Shouyou wished he had cameras in his eye sockets so he could capture this moment and relive it in rainy times. He wanted to snap the moment Kei’s wonted glower curled into a tender grin as their dad sparkled with joy and tugged his younger brother back into his clutch. Something about the warmth and the merriness of the ordeal tickled Shouyou’s insides, thrumming and pulsing his veins and valve all the same until he could feel the fierce energy collecting beneath his fingertips. His knees nearly buckled with how intense the pleasure from affection and adoration was rolling off in tsunami waves, only to be harvested by his core. As if realising what they had done, his dad stops mid-action and turns around cautiously.

 

“Shou-chan! Are you alright?”

 

The God of Pleasure bit the inside of his cheek and nodded once. “I think… I’m fine. It was just,” he captures his family’s concerned glance, “sensory overload. I haven’t felt anything like that in a long time.”

 

“Shouyou,” says Kei matter-of-factly, “you’re levitating.”

 

The word ‘levitating’ caught him off guard, and he focused whatever willpower he has left in him to turn his head downside only to be greeted by the sight of his legs not touching the ground.

 

Shouyou’s cheeks flushed crimson; he hasn’t lost this much control over his power since puberty. “Oh god.”

 

 

 

Wedding shopping had been postponed further due to Shouyou’s incident in the tailor’s. At dinner, when his meddling little brother couldn’t keep his mouth shut and blurted the accident in his father’s presence, Shouyou had feared the worst. His father was the _example_ , he was everything and anything Shouyou could ever dream of becoming. His father was strict on control and he shivered remembering the awkward moments in his transition to adulthood when he would randomly explode bursts of energy due to the pleasure around the room. Don’t even get him started on the first time he discovered masturbation.

 

Anyway.

 

Shouyou had feared the worst. What if his father locked him in the dungeons and banned him from getting married to Tobio because he couldn’t control his powers yet? What if Tobio found out and didn’t want to marry a God who hasn’t even learned how to rein their talent? What if the other deities looked down and shamed him or, even worse, laugh at him?

 

Seconds felt like eons as Shouyou stared at his father’s unmoving figure. The God of Justice sat at the end of the table, his majestic cape cascading down the golden chair, and the lines that aged his skin are more prominent than ever.

 

“Did you,” came his father’s toneless voice, “lose your powers today, Shouyou?”

 

Shouyou could hear the low warning mutter of _‘Daichi’_ from his dad, but he’s too late now. His father’s dark ember eyes are staring deep, burning holes through his pale skin and the fresh new ruby robe he’s sporting. Shouyou gulps.

 

“Yes.” Then hastily adds as an afterthought, “Yes, but it wasn’t because I don’t have control of it. It was just the first time in a while I felt pleasure that warm…”

 

The God of Pleasure couldn’t stop fidgeting under his father’s scrutinising gaze. Then, as if the moment literally shattered, his father broke into a fit of laughter.

 

The God of Justice bangs his fist against the marble dining table as he wheezes for air between guffaws.

 

Although his father had treated it like fun and games, Shouyou wasn’t taken off the hook without consequences. His father states that, until Shouyou proved his skills are competent, the days leading up to his wedding will be tainted with power training. Power training isn’t that bad. Shouyou recalls his classes taught by his father with joy, but when he heard of who was going to give him his training, the God of Pleasure blanches.

 

 

“Ukai Keishin is the God of Power?” screeched Shouyou. Somewhere, he could hear Kei’s muffled laughter.

 

His dad sends him a sheepish smile from where he sat behind his desk, scanning through mountains of requests of his wisdom. “Shou-chan, honey, he’s not that bad.”

 

Shouyou could only gawk at the teal haired god. “He’s not… Did you just say he’s not that bad? What about all those stories you and Toosan told us about God Ukai?”

 

“Well, that was ages ago. It was Keishin’s grandfather that taught us. Besides, if he was that bad, your father wouldn’t have assigned him to you, now would he?” came the smug retort. Shouyou huffs and leans further into the doorframe, an unyielding force.

 

The God of Wisdom sighs as he takes in the sight of his eldest son pouting in front of his office. He straightens himself and ambles towards Shouyou, his fingers already settling against his child’s scalp.

 

“Honey,” his dad croons, “it’s going to be fine. You’ll see.”

 

 

That’s how he finds himself face to face with a sour-looking God with bleached tips in the main courtroom of the Ukai castle the following Tuesday.

 

“What do you want, brat?”

 

Shouyou harrumphs. “My father sent me here.”

 

The God juts out his lip and rolls his eyes. “Can’t people see I’m a God? Jesus Christ, I’m not a fucking babysitter, what the hell.”

 

The God of Pleasure bristles. “I am Sawamura Shouyou, son of the God of Justice, Sawamura Daichi, I am here presently under his orders to undergo a few Power Training classes. Now, will you take me on or will I have to have my father’s men here?”

 

Keishin gulps. “No, yeah, come in, man. Whatever you want.”

 

 

Power Training turned out to not be such a horrid affair. Keishin, underneath all that grime and acidic aura, was not a bad guy. In fact, he was better than Kei in most occasions. Shouyou would find himself hidden inside the Ukai castle, more specifically the gardens, every Tuesday. Beginning Power Training with Keishin was really weird since he was actually the God of Power and not his father who had taught him the ropes solely because he was his son. Training with the God of Power was something else entirely. At the start of every session, Keishin would make him stand in the middle of the garden and picture anything that would make the image of pleasure.

 

Flashes of Tobio corrupted his mind. Tobio’s half-lidded eyes are hungry, starving for Shouyou. The way his calloused hands roam the span of white milk skin. Faster, Tobio, faster licks on his neck and shoulders.

 

“Jesus,” and that had snatched him back to the Ukai gardens. When he looked around, Shouyou had to stifle a noise of surprise.

 

The decorative bushes that framed their work area were burnt to nothing but black ash, and the tiled paths they took from the common room outback was charred. Slowly, Shouyou raised his eyes to meet the God of Power.

 

“I did this?”

 

Keishin’s cheeks were crimson and he looks away, nodding.

 

“Uh, maybe I should just start you up next time.”

 

 

In the three weeks of training with Keishin, Shouyou had learned more about his power than he had ever wanted to know. Being the God of Pleasure, he had the right to instil feelings of warmth and ecstasy in any being he wished. His father being the God of Justice however, would never approve of such idiotic acts for his self-indulgence.

 

“How can you not know what element your power expels?” Keishin grunts from behind the force field he summoned. Shouyou shrugged.

 

“I’ve never had to use it.”

 

Keishin’s eyes turn large, and he squawks indignantly. “What do you mean you’ve never had to use it?”

 

Shouyou explains how his parents basically run the kingdom of Gods as well as the entirety of the human race. His little brother moved out the second he finished with his studies and moved to a different kingdom to start on his duties, and had not even listened for his parents’ approval. Everyone knew that the God of Justice, even after all those years, had never been comfortable with his son after his Appellation Ceremony.

 

“That makes some sort of sense,” Keishin remarked.

 

“I know, right? But anyways…”

 

His father had basically refused to let Shouyou go on his own to explore more about his powers.

 

“Huh? Now _that_ doesn’t make sense.”

 

Shouyou brushed it off with a flick of a wrist and, to his amusement, The God of Power’s face melted into one of adoration as Shouyou’s powers injected twirls of affection in him. When he came back to, it was to the sight of his student smirking at him, mirth enveloping his golden eyes.

 

“So, who’s _your_ love interest, Keishin?”

 

Keishin growls and, with a snap of his fingers, Shouyou was robbed of that warmth lining his insides he now knows as power. “Hey!”

 

“Serves you right, kid. Don’t mess with me like that. Now, practice your energy manipulation. Bring me that rock over there.”

 

Shouyou gawks. “ _That_ one? The one hanging near the cliff of your garden? Keishin, are you insane?”

 

Keishin scowled, “I never told you to use your hands, Shouyou. Think.”

 

The God of Pleasure recalled the previous lessons and the ways of manipulating in a heartbeat. His eyebrows shot up in excitement. He knew what to do.

 

The rock wasn’t actually near the cliff as much as it was literally hanging off the tip of the garden and was just about to tip over and disrupt the peaceful swaying of the clouds surrounding the terrain. Shouyou closes off all unnecessary images and makes a tunnel vision for the rock. He breathes in. One… Two… and rises both his arms from his sides so that they were pointing at the rock. As if on cue, the rock began levitating in thin air and gravitating towards the open centre of the garden.

 

“I’m doing it!” Shouyou gawks, “I’m actually doing it!”

 

Behind him, Keishin gives the back of that orange head a warm smile. He hates, _god does he hate,_ teaching, but the payoff is like no other.

 

 

Weeks go by in a blur. Shouyou was in and out of the castle as if he didn’t even live there anymore due to wedding preparations and training. The God of Pleasure would shot up from his bed, much to his fiancé’s distaste, and crawl out of his embrace before quickly bathing and charging to Keishin’s castle. Only when Keishin deemed his efforts worthy for the session to end, Shouyou bolts to town to where his dad had told him to meet up at dinner the night before. It lessened in oddity and became something more of familiarity; enough so to make the silky velvet robes assigned to him stick on like second skin. At dusk, his father would question how the outings went but never of the training over a serving of a meal. It was fine though, Shouyou thinks, it was an _embarrassing_ topic anyway.

 

 

“Mmm…no…stay,” slurred the God of War, the arm encircling his waist tugged Shouyou back down.

 

A soft laugh escaped him and he turns to face Tobio.

 

Shouyou sucks in a deep breath and tries to calm down the heart that is currently trying to escape his ribcage. Tobio was so _so_ beautiful.

 

When he’s awake, most would label him as hostile due to his title being the God of War and everything, but Shouyou wishes he could frame the current state of Tobio and share it to the world. His eyebrows had relaxed from their constant furrowed state, which melts off the guarded mask that Tobio sports constantly throughout the day. Like this, Shouyou could count each single jade eyelash that lay innocently against the plush, smooth skin of Tobio’s cheeks. Suddenly, those wonderful lashes flutter before revealing their hidden treasure: those spruce pools that Shouyou still can’t believe were only his to stare into.

 

Tobio gargles out an incoherent sound before he mutters out, all gravely and husky, “Shou?”

 

In a heartbeat, adoration surged through him and Shouyou couldn’t even stop if he had wanted to. With a ‘hmpf!’ they fall back on bed, a tangle of lax kisses and easy caresses. Tobio reels his head back after a few moments and his eyebrows stitch together, surfeit evident in the wrinkle of his nose.

 

“Dumbass. Your morning breath stinks.”

 

Shouyou’s smile falls.

 

Then Tobio’s frown twisted into a predatory smirk before he pounced and tackled Shouyou onto the bed, peppering feathery kisses everywhere his lips could reach.

 

The sound of the God of Pleasure’s hearty laugh could be felt under the skins and bones of his people. Thrumming with silk-like happiness, almost too tender to be real.

 

Everyone had a good day that Tuesday.

 

 

 


End file.
